So, if you've been reading, you all know that I had a falling out (for lack of a better term) with my "best friend" six months ago, and it still bothers me. I can't just let it go for some reason, and this is my place to vent. I don't talk about it with others, I simply blog about it.
I can't let it go because it still hurts. I don't trust people really, I don't have that many friends - I have close acquaintances. She was only one of 2 people that truly know every single thing there is to know about me, good and bad. I miss the all day texting, I miss the weird conversations we had. I miss the way we both knew what the other was thinking with just a look. I miss what we used to be. And the hardest part to grasp is that it'll never be like it used to be. We no longer trust each other. We've had attempts to try and "talk" through text and email, but it ends up blowing up. There were too many harmful things said to ever go back and undo, and simply put, I just can't trust her as bad as I want to.
I miss her being in my life. I miss her kids. I read her blog, though I probably shouldn't. She thinks I read it to stalk her, but I really read it just to know what's going on in her world because I used to know everything. Maybe I should stop...maybe that's pathetic. I dunno...
And it's really hard right now because I'm going through so much these days, stuff that I would only talk to her about. And I've wanted to pick up the phone several times to call, but I can't. So I just deal with it by myself until I let myself trust another friend to get that close to me...
Done with my pity party for today. :)
Looking to fill a void — apply here...
1 year ago
I'm kinda going through the same thing. And I know, it sucks. We haven't spoken since New Years Day and the sad thing is, she let something that we would never keep from each other get in the way of our friendship. We have told each other e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g since we became friends in 1999 and on New Years Day she sprung things on me that the "old" her would have told me about long before they decided on it. There were no cross words spoken but I haven't heard from her since that day. I miss the girls and I miss our conversations but I just wonder in the back of my mind - if she keep all of that from me and when she finally told me and I asked one simple question that we both would have talked about before that day — if she didn't think she could tell me then... well, was our friendship the friendship we once thought it was? I know - so many questions and so heart breaking but some how I think things are better off this way. I don't want someone in my life who is my so called "best friend" to keep things like that from me. One thing I have learned is life goes on.
ReplyDeleteHope you feel better about the situation, soon.
Exactly. I just keep telling myself that I don't miss her really, I miss the friend that I thought she was. Hope you feel better about yours soon too. :)
ReplyDelete